U is for Unprepared
Sandy Mullens stood outside apartment B14 with her son Brian in her arms and her daughter Stephanie standing beside her who was brushing her Barbie's long blond hair. Sandy lifted one hand to knock loudly on the door. She waited patiently for a few seconds but when no one came, she knocked once more, this time a bit louder.
Sandy heard a loud racket followed by a muffled curse and a "Be there in a second!" come from behind the door before it opened wide revealing the disheveled couple of Travis Stoll and Katie Gardner. Katie's dark hair was mussed and her lip gloss seemed to be smeared. Travis looked to be about in the same shape, with messed up hair and lip gloss on his face. He also wasn't wearing a shirt which Katie quickly realized, sending him a glare and quietly swearing at him under her breath, making him roll his eyes before sauntering back into the apartment and out of Sandy's view. Katie took a deep breath before turning her attention back to the three people in front of her with a forced smile. "Ms. Mullens," she said with obviously fake enthusiasm. "Brian. Stephanie. What are you guys doing here?"
Sandy smiled. "How many times do I have to tell you, dear? Call me Sandy." At Katie's apologetic grin and nod, she continued. "I was planning on going out tonight but then my babysitter just called and said she couldn't make it." She tried to continue but was interrupted when Travis came from behind Katie again, a shirt hastily thrown over his head.
"I am so sorry, Ms. Mullens," Travis sympathized before grabbing the door and pushing it closed. "Well, it was nice talking to ya!"
Before it closed them completely out of sight, Sandy stopped it with her foot. With a roll of his eyes, Travis opened the door back up. "Look," Sandy began, "I know you guys are all horny for each other, especially now that you have nature's birth control, but I really need your help."
Before Travis could get all white boy on her, Katie lay a gentle hand on his chest and turned to Sandy. "How do you know about the baby?" she asked quietly, almost inadvertently placing her other hand atop her stomach.
"Oh!" Sandy waved her hand. "You know that Conner. He tells everyone everything. Congrats, by the way, on the engagement. And Travis, nice job on beating that level on Halo." Katie and Travis exchanged a look with wide eyes. "But anyways, I really need your guys' help tonight. It's only for a few hours and it's great practice for when your little thing comes popping out. And I'll pay you."
"Look, Ms.-" Travis began.
"We'd love to," Katie interrupted. He stared at her as if she had just grown another head.
"Fantastic!" Sandy squealed before quickly handing Brian over to a befuddled Travis and kissing Stephanie on the top of the head. "Make sure they go to bed at 9! The key's under the mat if you need anything! Love you!" she screamed as she ran down the hall in her heals. Travis silently prayed to his dad that she would trip and fall. She didn't, making him even more mad than he was before.
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"How the hell could you say yes?" Travis exclaimed, nervously glancing over at the kids sitting on their couch, watching an old Spongebob rerun. Stephanie seemed fully absorbed by the talking sponge but the small boy who was only six months old beside her was busy making spit bubbles with his mouth.
"How the hell could you say no?" Katie asked with wide eyes.
"Um, hello? We were about to-" He cut himself off and looked over at the children once more. "Have fun," Travis finished with raised eyebrows as Katie rolled her eyes. "I can't go from that to watching smelly kids that quickly."
"You're pathetic."
"I'm a man," he said with a shake of his head.
"Same difference." Travis snorted which Katie took as a sign to continue. "I was just trying to be kind. Ms. Mullens needed to get out a bit and watching Stephanie and Brian isn't that bad of practice for when we have our own. Don't you roll your eyes at me," she scolded. "This thing's gonna come on out in, like, eight months." As he watched her point at her stomach, Travis sighed.
"Exactly. Eight months. We have plenty of time to practice!" he exclaimed, making Katie roll her eyes this time. "But as soon as that kid comes popping out, we won't have any time for fun anymore."
"Well you're just gonna have to get over it, my friend. Ms. Mullens already left. Suck it up." Travis sighed angrily.
"You're so lucky you're having my baby or I would be ten times more pissed then I am right now," he mumbled.
"Well if you're so damn pissed at me," she started, her hands on her hips and irritation glowing in her eyes, "then you don't even have to watch them. You can go in the bedroom with your lubricant and your tissues and have your 'fun' while I watch Stephanie and Brian."
"First off," Travis said, holding up a finger, "we're all out of lubricant. Second, I'm not just going to leave you alone with them. They'll murder you."
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "I know. But I'm still pissed at you."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Stupid baby hormones." He smirked. "How about we split it up?"
"What do you mean?" Travis asked with raised eyebrows.
"I watch Stephanie. You watch Brian."
"Oh hell no!" he exclaimed. "I call watching the little girl! I ain't changing any diapers or cleaning up spit or doing anything nasty and disgusting like such."
"Well I'm not going to watch him. I'm pregnant," Katie said with a nod.
"So?" Travis shrugged. "You'll have to take care of all that crap as soon as our kid pops out so you might as well get used to it."
"It's your kid too!" she yelled. They glared at each other silently for a few seconds, the laugh of Spongebob filling the room.
"Wanna flip a coin?" Travis muttered.
Katie looked over at him with a sigh. "Heads. Called it." He patted himself down, in search of a coin while Katie rolled her eyes and got one out of her own pocket. After tossing it in the air, she caught it and placed it on the back of her hand. She cursed, causing Travis to snicker.
"Oh, Stephanie!" he shouted in a sing-song voice.
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Katie sighed. "Please, Brian. I'm begging you. Just eat the peas. It's good. I promise." No matter how much she pleaded, the small boy refused to eat. She even tried making the spoon a train which she had promised herself long ago she would never, ever do because of how stupid it made you look. Travis told her to shove it in his face which she actually tried after numerous failed attempts, but Brian just moved his head out of the way and began to cry. Everything she had done all day made him cry. When she played with him, he cried. When she sang to him, he cried. When she tried to put him down for a nap, he cried. When she changed his diaper, not only did he cry, but he also peed on her.
"Nice job, Katie," Travis mocked. "Way to go."
She glared at him angrily. "Like you could do any better, Stoll."
"I could, actually," he said, standing up from his chair to walk over to Katie and Brian. Stephanie sat in her chair, watching the whole thing play out while she nibbled on a dinosaur-shaped chicken nugget. His makeup Stephanie had done specially for him was starting to smudge and his pink boa kept falling off of his shoulders but whenever he tried to get rid of his costume, Stephanie would scream and yell and Travis had had enough screaming and yelling for one day.
Travis knelt down next to Katie's chair so he could look Brian in the eyes. "Now I'm going to tell you this once," Travis said, "and once only. I will put this food in your mouth. You will swallow it. And you will enjoy it. Do I make myself clear?" Brian stared at him absently. Travis nodded. "Good." With a deep breath he grabbed the spoon and put it in Brian's mouth. After putting the spoon down and seeing that the food was staying in, Travis turned to Katie with a triumphant smile and a mocking laugh.
"You suck!" she yelled, making Stephanie snicker.
"I'm actually not really the sucking type-" Travis started, but was cut off when Brian decided that he didn't like smashed peas and spit it on to Travis's face. His smirk fell immediately.
Katie laughed loudly and mockingly pointed a finger at his face while Stephanie giggled hysterically behind them. Travis turned to her with a glare. "Shut up, Gardner!"
"But-" She broke off and laughed some more. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she apologized with a smile and a shake of her head. "You just- You got a little something on your face."
"Oh really?" he asked with raised eyebrows, making Katie smirk a little more and nod. "Well, I think you might have something on yours, too." Her eyebrows wrinkled together in confusion.
Without even thinking about it, Travis dipped his hand into the jar of baby food and scooped out a handful of smashed peas. "Travis, no-" Katie started, but it was too late. He flicked his hand, sending splashes of green goo on to her face and bringing a loud gasp out of her mouth.
She wiped the peas out of her eyes and glared at him angrily. "You did not just do that."
He smirked and, with a twinkle in his eye, whispered, "I just did."
Katie gasped and grabbed the jar of baby food from a crying Brian all for herself. Scooping up a handful, she flung it at Travis with all her might, but he was quite busy finding ammunition of his own. He slammed his hand into Stephanie's bowl of mac n' cheese, causing her to squeal and run into the living room, but Travis was far too preoccupied to care about a screaming little girl. He threw the pasta at Katie, declaring an all out food war.
As their supplies nearly ran out, the sound of the front door being slammed shut stopped them both mid-throw. Conner walked in with a smirk on his face, one hand holding the leather jacket slung over his shoulder and the other texting some random girl he probably just got the number of. He glanced up from his phone and saw the sight in front of him, making his smirk grow.
Both Travis and Katie were covered in food, along with the walls, table, and floor. Brian was crying like a maniac in his high chair and Stephanie was nowhere to be seen. The lamp hanging from the ceiling swung from side to side and Conner actually wasn't all that surprised to find a fork sticking of the side of the wall.
"Well Katie," he said, his smirk only growing wider and wider, "I love this new look you're trying on. What is that? Mac n' cheese? Totally hot."
Before she could make an angry retort, Conner turned his gaze to his brother. "And who is this new friend of yours?" he asked with raised eyebrows. Conner winked and bit his bottom lip. "I've never seen anyone look as sexy as you do right now in a tutu and smashed peas. And that is a fact."
"I want to rip out your heart with my wrists," was Travis's only comment.
Conner's smile only grew. "Playin' hard to get, now are we?"
Before Travis literally could rip out his brother's heart with his wrists, a high-pitched "Conner!" interrupted him.
"Stephanie!" Conner shouted as the girl ran into his arms for a hug.
"You should've come earlier!" she exclaimed. "They were yelling and then they started throwing stuff and it was crazy!" Stephanie continued telling him the events of the evening as Conner grabbed Brian out of his high chair. He immediately stopped crying and giggled as Conner poked his stomach. The three walked into the living room as Katie and Travis stared in amazement.
"Are you seeing this right now?" Katie asked, her eyes never leaving the group.
"Yeah," Travis whispered, almost to himself. He turned to stare at Katie with a shocked expression. "Conner's a better parent then we are." He let his sight shift back over to Conner as he nodded his head at Stephanie's story and made silly faces at Brian.
With a sigh, Travis rested his hand on Katie's stomach. "Oh," he muttered. "You are going to be one messed up kid."
Sandy heard a loud racket followed by a muffled curse and a "Be there in a second!" come from behind the door before it opened wide revealing the disheveled couple of Travis Stoll and Katie Gardner. Katie's dark hair was mussed and her lip gloss seemed to be smeared. Travis looked to be about in the same shape, with messed up hair and lip gloss on his face. He also wasn't wearing a shirt which Katie quickly realized, sending him a glare and quietly swearing at him under her breath, making him roll his eyes before sauntering back into the apartment and out of Sandy's view. Katie took a deep breath before turning her attention back to the three people in front of her with a forced smile. "Ms. Mullens," she said with obviously fake enthusiasm. "Brian. Stephanie. What are you guys doing here?"
Sandy smiled. "How many times do I have to tell you, dear? Call me Sandy." At Katie's apologetic grin and nod, she continued. "I was planning on going out tonight but then my babysitter just called and said she couldn't make it." She tried to continue but was interrupted when Travis came from behind Katie again, a shirt hastily thrown over his head.
"I am so sorry, Ms. Mullens," Travis sympathized before grabbing the door and pushing it closed. "Well, it was nice talking to ya!"
Before it closed them completely out of sight, Sandy stopped it with her foot. With a roll of his eyes, Travis opened the door back up. "Look," Sandy began, "I know you guys are all horny for each other, especially now that you have nature's birth control, but I really need your help."
Before Travis could get all white boy on her, Katie lay a gentle hand on his chest and turned to Sandy. "How do you know about the baby?" she asked quietly, almost inadvertently placing her other hand atop her stomach.
"Oh!" Sandy waved her hand. "You know that Conner. He tells everyone everything. Congrats, by the way, on the engagement. And Travis, nice job on beating that level on Halo." Katie and Travis exchanged a look with wide eyes. "But anyways, I really need your guys' help tonight. It's only for a few hours and it's great practice for when your little thing comes popping out. And I'll pay you."
"Look, Ms.-" Travis began.
"We'd love to," Katie interrupted. He stared at her as if she had just grown another head.
"Fantastic!" Sandy squealed before quickly handing Brian over to a befuddled Travis and kissing Stephanie on the top of the head. "Make sure they go to bed at 9! The key's under the mat if you need anything! Love you!" she screamed as she ran down the hall in her heals. Travis silently prayed to his dad that she would trip and fall. She didn't, making him even more mad than he was before.
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"How the hell could you say yes?" Travis exclaimed, nervously glancing over at the kids sitting on their couch, watching an old Spongebob rerun. Stephanie seemed fully absorbed by the talking sponge but the small boy who was only six months old beside her was busy making spit bubbles with his mouth.
"How the hell could you say no?" Katie asked with wide eyes.
"Um, hello? We were about to-" He cut himself off and looked over at the children once more. "Have fun," Travis finished with raised eyebrows as Katie rolled her eyes. "I can't go from that to watching smelly kids that quickly."
"You're pathetic."
"I'm a man," he said with a shake of his head.
"Same difference." Travis snorted which Katie took as a sign to continue. "I was just trying to be kind. Ms. Mullens needed to get out a bit and watching Stephanie and Brian isn't that bad of practice for when we have our own. Don't you roll your eyes at me," she scolded. "This thing's gonna come on out in, like, eight months." As he watched her point at her stomach, Travis sighed.
"Exactly. Eight months. We have plenty of time to practice!" he exclaimed, making Katie roll her eyes this time. "But as soon as that kid comes popping out, we won't have any time for fun anymore."
"Well you're just gonna have to get over it, my friend. Ms. Mullens already left. Suck it up." Travis sighed angrily.
"You're so lucky you're having my baby or I would be ten times more pissed then I am right now," he mumbled.
"Well if you're so damn pissed at me," she started, her hands on her hips and irritation glowing in her eyes, "then you don't even have to watch them. You can go in the bedroom with your lubricant and your tissues and have your 'fun' while I watch Stephanie and Brian."
"First off," Travis said, holding up a finger, "we're all out of lubricant. Second, I'm not just going to leave you alone with them. They'll murder you."
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "I know. But I'm still pissed at you."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Stupid baby hormones." He smirked. "How about we split it up?"
"What do you mean?" Travis asked with raised eyebrows.
"I watch Stephanie. You watch Brian."
"Oh hell no!" he exclaimed. "I call watching the little girl! I ain't changing any diapers or cleaning up spit or doing anything nasty and disgusting like such."
"Well I'm not going to watch him. I'm pregnant," Katie said with a nod.
"So?" Travis shrugged. "You'll have to take care of all that crap as soon as our kid pops out so you might as well get used to it."
"It's your kid too!" she yelled. They glared at each other silently for a few seconds, the laugh of Spongebob filling the room.
"Wanna flip a coin?" Travis muttered.
Katie looked over at him with a sigh. "Heads. Called it." He patted himself down, in search of a coin while Katie rolled her eyes and got one out of her own pocket. After tossing it in the air, she caught it and placed it on the back of her hand. She cursed, causing Travis to snicker.
"Oh, Stephanie!" he shouted in a sing-song voice.
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Katie sighed. "Please, Brian. I'm begging you. Just eat the peas. It's good. I promise." No matter how much she pleaded, the small boy refused to eat. She even tried making the spoon a train which she had promised herself long ago she would never, ever do because of how stupid it made you look. Travis told her to shove it in his face which she actually tried after numerous failed attempts, but Brian just moved his head out of the way and began to cry. Everything she had done all day made him cry. When she played with him, he cried. When she sang to him, he cried. When she tried to put him down for a nap, he cried. When she changed his diaper, not only did he cry, but he also peed on her.
"Nice job, Katie," Travis mocked. "Way to go."
She glared at him angrily. "Like you could do any better, Stoll."
"I could, actually," he said, standing up from his chair to walk over to Katie and Brian. Stephanie sat in her chair, watching the whole thing play out while she nibbled on a dinosaur-shaped chicken nugget. His makeup Stephanie had done specially for him was starting to smudge and his pink boa kept falling off of his shoulders but whenever he tried to get rid of his costume, Stephanie would scream and yell and Travis had had enough screaming and yelling for one day.
Travis knelt down next to Katie's chair so he could look Brian in the eyes. "Now I'm going to tell you this once," Travis said, "and once only. I will put this food in your mouth. You will swallow it. And you will enjoy it. Do I make myself clear?" Brian stared at him absently. Travis nodded. "Good." With a deep breath he grabbed the spoon and put it in Brian's mouth. After putting the spoon down and seeing that the food was staying in, Travis turned to Katie with a triumphant smile and a mocking laugh.
"You suck!" she yelled, making Stephanie snicker.
"I'm actually not really the sucking type-" Travis started, but was cut off when Brian decided that he didn't like smashed peas and spit it on to Travis's face. His smirk fell immediately.
Katie laughed loudly and mockingly pointed a finger at his face while Stephanie giggled hysterically behind them. Travis turned to her with a glare. "Shut up, Gardner!"
"But-" She broke off and laughed some more. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she apologized with a smile and a shake of her head. "You just- You got a little something on your face."
"Oh really?" he asked with raised eyebrows, making Katie smirk a little more and nod. "Well, I think you might have something on yours, too." Her eyebrows wrinkled together in confusion.
Without even thinking about it, Travis dipped his hand into the jar of baby food and scooped out a handful of smashed peas. "Travis, no-" Katie started, but it was too late. He flicked his hand, sending splashes of green goo on to her face and bringing a loud gasp out of her mouth.
She wiped the peas out of her eyes and glared at him angrily. "You did not just do that."
He smirked and, with a twinkle in his eye, whispered, "I just did."
Katie gasped and grabbed the jar of baby food from a crying Brian all for herself. Scooping up a handful, she flung it at Travis with all her might, but he was quite busy finding ammunition of his own. He slammed his hand into Stephanie's bowl of mac n' cheese, causing her to squeal and run into the living room, but Travis was far too preoccupied to care about a screaming little girl. He threw the pasta at Katie, declaring an all out food war.
As their supplies nearly ran out, the sound of the front door being slammed shut stopped them both mid-throw. Conner walked in with a smirk on his face, one hand holding the leather jacket slung over his shoulder and the other texting some random girl he probably just got the number of. He glanced up from his phone and saw the sight in front of him, making his smirk grow.
Both Travis and Katie were covered in food, along with the walls, table, and floor. Brian was crying like a maniac in his high chair and Stephanie was nowhere to be seen. The lamp hanging from the ceiling swung from side to side and Conner actually wasn't all that surprised to find a fork sticking of the side of the wall.
"Well Katie," he said, his smirk only growing wider and wider, "I love this new look you're trying on. What is that? Mac n' cheese? Totally hot."
Before she could make an angry retort, Conner turned his gaze to his brother. "And who is this new friend of yours?" he asked with raised eyebrows. Conner winked and bit his bottom lip. "I've never seen anyone look as sexy as you do right now in a tutu and smashed peas. And that is a fact."
"I want to rip out your heart with my wrists," was Travis's only comment.
Conner's smile only grew. "Playin' hard to get, now are we?"
Before Travis literally could rip out his brother's heart with his wrists, a high-pitched "Conner!" interrupted him.
"Stephanie!" Conner shouted as the girl ran into his arms for a hug.
"You should've come earlier!" she exclaimed. "They were yelling and then they started throwing stuff and it was crazy!" Stephanie continued telling him the events of the evening as Conner grabbed Brian out of his high chair. He immediately stopped crying and giggled as Conner poked his stomach. The three walked into the living room as Katie and Travis stared in amazement.
"Are you seeing this right now?" Katie asked, her eyes never leaving the group.
"Yeah," Travis whispered, almost to himself. He turned to stare at Katie with a shocked expression. "Conner's a better parent then we are." He let his sight shift back over to Conner as he nodded his head at Stephanie's story and made silly faces at Brian.
With a sigh, Travis rested his hand on Katie's stomach. "Oh," he muttered. "You are going to be one messed up kid."